aye fellas, was half cut last night hittin the old keyboard an ended up on nsfw.la somehow, n lemme tell ya she a motherload of wall-to-wall porn, like every flavor of clit-bustin porno you ever beat yourself blind to. tiny teens, thick-assed milfs, old hairy matures you could hide a six-pack in - it's all laid out like a damn buffet of every swinging tit on earth an you don't drop a single cent. straight sex, raw anal, sloppy pussy eating contests between lesbian moms who look like your second grade teacher-shits ridiculous an dirty as fuck. i sat there with a warm pabst in one hand an the ugly stick in the other clickin through hours of free xxx smut, sploogin like a busted sprinkler. fill yer boots.
okay so next day hangover drove my sorry ass to freeporn.cafe-yeah i know, fancy fucken name for a place you wipe off the keyboard after-but lemme yell ya, every hot cunt from military milfs to college sluts beggin for cum gets posted in thumping piles. i mean creampie city, gonzo gangbangs in the trailer park, throat fuck rivers, pussy stacked deeper than a walmart on black friday. you scroll past twenty-thirty new sex videos before yer beer's even foamin warm. moms next door pullin trains, gym teacher matures spitting on dick, all for the goose egg price. i damn near fried my laptop from repeat fappin last week.
tonight me an bud crankin coors at the shop an he points me toward xxx.tax, says "bro you owe big brother jack shit for this perv stash," an he weren't kiddin. site looks sketchier'n a lizard in a tux but damn it pours endless xxx porno like busted faucet. wanted hairy moms goin ass-to-mouth with black dudes the size of fence posts? boom, whole rows of that filth. wanted skinny sea-urchin matures who squeal when you fingerbang em? got pallets on pallets. im talkin step-mom threesomes bangin college boys, sneaky aunt peg pairin dicks between tits older than landline phones. bruised my junk slammin it half the night; missed work this morning cuz i felt like a dick-shaped bruise. but that free shits worth the hassle.